Lawyer urges fellow survivors of gender-based violence in Iraq to speak out

Sara* is a lawyer representing abuse and sexual violence survivors. She had been in a violent relationship for over a decade, but had never lodged a complaint against her husband, a respected professor and head of the teaching staff.

By telling her story, she wants to show others in similar situations that there is hope. “If I am able to leave a 13 year-long abusive relationship and start over again, anyone can do it”, says Sara.

Sara is telling her story to help others facing gender-based violence.

In the first 5 years of her marriage there was no physical abuse from her husband. The violence started after she started to earn more money than him. He began with verbal abuse and took full control over her finances.

She was required to buy him expensive clothing, and a weekend home in the countryside. She was not allowed to spend on herself or her daughter. He took her money as his own and tried to control every aspect of her life. Then it escalated to violence, where he would frequently beat her.

Sara found that the higher her husband climbed on the career ladder, the more obedience and perfection he demanded of his wife and daughter.

“I didn’t feel free and safe enough to talk about the abuse,” Sara explains. “I felt threatened, I had no sense of security. There are many women that are abused in Iraq. Little to no attention is paid to what women are going through. Nothing happens to the abusers. Many women die of domestic violence every year, but no one cares”.

That is why Sara started to share her story, hoping to raise awareness of domestic violence.

“Every time he hit me I told myself that this would be the last time, but fear always held me back. Fear of society’s judgement, fear of retaliation, fear of death and most importantly I had a daughter that I had to think of, it gave me reasons to stay, until I had no choice but to run.”

Sara never talked to friends or family about the abuse she went through, so when she left her husband she found it difficult to answer their questions.

How do I tell my family and friends that he used to hit us in places that no one could see? That he would be meticulous in covering any signs of abuse. That if you lifted up my jumpers or dresses, my stomach and legs would be covered with black and blue bruises. He would pull my hair and kick me in the stomach.

“When I went behind his back and opened up a separate bank account, his violence escalated to hitting me in the face. This meant that I was unable to work and contribute financially. There were times that he taunted me and would say that no one would believe me over him. That he was a respected professor and that there was nothing I could say or do. That destroyed me more than anything else.

“I knew I couldn’t prove anything. He knew that too. I never told anyone what it was like at home. I knew it would only get worse. There were two options in my mind: everything would get better and I would stay, or I would have to leave. In the latter case, I had to be prepared to save up some money, and to get proof. I knew I wouldn’t be believed.

I decided to reach out to Islamic Relief as I knew that they helped people in need, and started to resist more at home. As a result, the violence increased, towards me and also towards my daughter. The [incident that finally made me] leave was something small. But it made me determined to get my daughter out alive.

“I felt so isolated from everyone and was physically and mentally at a low point in my life. Then I received support from Islamic Relief, who welcomed me into their women’s safe space, where women who have experienced gender-based violence are given counselling. It was nice to confide in someone, to tell the truth. I started taking recreational courses and building my confidence to tell my family that my husband had been abusing his daughter and me.

“I sat my family down and explained what has been happening for more than a decade, and that leaving my marriage meant that I was saving my daughter from being motherless. They didn’t know it was that bad. They were angry that I kept it to myself for so long. But I didn’t know how to share my story with them. I was ashamed for so long. I kept asking myself how I got here, I was an educated woman with a university degree and a career. How did this happen to me?

“I have learned that most women tend to blame themselves and hold themselves more accountable then they do others. Through the counselling I learned that I am stronger than I think and I am not to blame for his behaviour.

“I was able to go back to work. I pay my own bills. I now live in my own house with my daughter. We walk in the woods. I am slowly rebuilding my circle of friends and family. I feel guilty all the time, especially about my children and family. That will never pass. I’ll feel I have to make it up to them for the rest of my life.

“I used to be constantly scared. Afraid he would find me. Afraid I might lose my job. Afraid he would hurt me or my child. He threatened that one day the police would be at my door. He did everything he could to make sure I lost my job. The fear is not gone, but it is less present now.”

Sara says that trauma therapy and sharing her story with other women helps her come to terms with her experiences.

“Sharing each other’s stories helps, because you learn from each other and can deal with your own problems a bit better. We all go through things and it is better to talk about it than bottle everything up.

“In Iraq women don’t talk about their abuse, which results in more violence. But it has to stop, and more women need to come forward with their stories to show that we are facing a silent killer in domestic violence. I have made it my goal to show that it can happen to anyone and to help those that are suffering through domestic abuse. I use my position as a lawyer to help survivors, as I am a survivor myself. I want to make other women feel worthy to fight for themselves.

“I have a long way to go to rebuild myself back to the person I was before the abuse, but teaching women that there is a way out is my mission at the moment. Knowing that I am making a difference makes me proud of what I have overcome.”

Islamic Relief works to improve gender justice through our programmes, policy and advocacy work. As well as empowering vulnerable women and girls through raising awareness around gender-based violence, Islamic Relief also offers life-changing counselling. We run workshops offering faith-based perspectives on child protection and gender-based violence, equipping women to bring about lasting positive change in their own lives and communities

Support our work and help vulnerable people turn their lives around. Donate now.

*Name changed for protection purposes

new director

Director of Network and Resource Development

Adnan joined Islamic Relief in 2004 as a regional fundraiser in the UK. He worked in multiple roles over 10 years at Islamic Relief UK, including setting up the first digital team and leading the growth of digital fundraising and engagement. Adnan also led numerous fundraising and marketing campaigns, which played a significant part in the growth of Islamic Relief UK.

Having moved to Islamic Relief Worldwide in 2014, Adnan has held different roles that have helped grow Islamic Relief’s global digital footprint into new geographic territories, supporting Islamic Relief members with their digital and marketing growth as well as developing new products and initiatives for the Islamic Relief family.

Adnan graduated in Industrial Design and Technology from Loughborough University. He has since completed an Advanced Diploma in Business Administration from Durham University and a Diploma in Digital Marketing from the Institute of Data and Marketing.

Nadeem Azhar

General Counsel

Nadeem joined Islamic Relief Worldwide in September 2022. He has worked in the charitable sector for over a decade.

He studied Modern History and Politics at Manchester University, and at the University of Law in London before qualifying as a solicitor in 2011.

Nadeem is an experienced corporate, commercial and governance lawyer, having worked with various faith-based and grant making charities as well those in health and education settings. He was a partner at a law firm in London before moving in-house where he focused on setting up and restructuring charities and social enterprises.

Most recently, Nadeem was Lead Counsel at Mind, a leading mental health charity, where he co-authored a new federation agreement, revamped legal processes, and played a major role in developing its strategic and fundraising partnerships.

Nadeem has been a charity trustee for the Seafarers Charity, as well as many grant-making bodies and theatre companies.

Adnan Hafiz

Director of Network and Resource Development

Adnan joined Islamic Relief in 2004 as a regional fundraiser in the UK. He worked in multiple roles over 10 years at Islamic Relief UK, including setting up the first digital team and leading the growth of digital fundraising and engagement. Adnan also led numerous fundraising and marketing campaigns, which played a significant part in the growth of Islamic Relief UK.

Having moved to Islamic Relief Worldwide in 2014, Adnan has held different roles that have helped grow Islamic Relief’s global digital footprint into new geographic territories, supporting Islamic Relief members with their digital and marketing growth as well as developing new products and initiatives for the Islamic Relief family.

Adnan graduated in Industrial Design and Technology from Loughborough University. He has since completed an Advanced Diploma in Business Administration from Durham University and a Diploma in Digital Marketing from the Institute of Data and Marketing.

Board of Directors
Javed Akhtar

Director of Finance

Javed Akhtar has more than a decade of experience at Islamic Relief, having worked in a similar role between 2003-2014. In that role he strove to implement wide-ranging financial and accounting processes which aided in the transparent nature in which Islamic Relief now operates.

Javed also has diverse experience across the private sector, having worked at American chemicals and pharmaceutical giant DuPont, shipping firm FedEX and technology consultancy company Accenture. In all his roles, he prioritises using the latest technologies to improve monitoring and reporting at every level. Javed’s commitment to embracing digital end-to-end technology, enhancing accountability to our stakeholders and promoting financial transparency is ensuring that we remain at the forefront of financial developments in the sector.

By training, Javed is a chartered accountant with a Master’s degree in NGO Management with Charity Accounting and Financial Management from Cass Business School.
Board of Directors
Affan Cheema  

Director of International Programmes

Affan Cheema is an experienced leader who has spent 25 years working in the international aid sector on poverty eradication in Asia, Africa and the Middle East. He has worked in fast onset emergencies, protracted crisis and development environments whilst working for Islamic Relief Worldwide and Care International. He is also a trustee of South West International Development Network (SWIDN).

Through his career Affan has held numerous roles including institutional fundraising, programme and grant management, and programme quality assurance.  Affan’s leadership has helped Islamic Relief Worldwide secure the highly coveted Core Humanitarian Standard (CHS), seen as the sector’s premier benchmark for operational excellence.

Affan completed his BA in Economics and Geography from University of London (School of Oriental and African Studies) and his MSc in Development Administration and Planning from the University of Bristol. He is PRINCE2 qualified, is a keen sportsman and recently co-edited a book entitled -Islam and International Development: Insights for working with Muslim Communities-.
Board of Directors
Dr Hossam Said

Managing Director, Humanitarian Academy for Development (HAD)

For nearly three decades Dr Hossam has provided the strategic vision to manage, lead and develop a range of international humanitarian interventions around the world.

At the start of his career, Dr Hossam served on the Board of Directors of the Egyptian Medical Syndicate, before moving to Islamic Relief Worldwide to manage the core global business activities as International Programmes Director.

During this time the organisation increased its global reach, gaining both domestic and international repute and credibility. Dr Hossam has also served on the Islamic Relief Worldwide Board of Management and Executive Committee for the past 15 years; sharing responsibility for strategic organisational development and the change management process, whilst forging strong relationships with many other charities.

Dr Hossam gained an MBA from Aston Business School in 2004 and graduated as a Medical Doctor from Cairo University in 1981.
Board of Directors
Martin Cottingham  

Director of External Relations and Advocacy

Martin Cottingham joined Islamic Relief in 2012 as IRUK Media Relations Manager, and was appointed Head of Communications in 2015 before taking up his current position as Director of External Relations and Advocacy for Islamic Relief Worldwide.

Martin has helped Islamic Relief to increase its mainstream media profile and expand its campaigning work, producing hard-hitting advocacy reports on floods in Pakistan (2011) famine in Somalia (2012) disaster risk reduction (2013) and aid to Afghanistan (2014). He has over 20 years’ experience working in media, communications and marketing roles for international development and environmental charities.

Martin graduated from the University of London with a degree in English and Drama (1982-85) then trained as a journalist with a postgraduate diploma at City University (1986-87). He has previously worked for Christian Aid as Editor of Christian Aid News and Media Relations Manager (1988-97) for Oxfam as Regional Campaigns Manager (1997-2000) and at the Soil Association as Marketing Director (2001-2006), as well as working for a wide range of organisations as a freelance writer, researcher and communications consultant.

Tufail Hussain

Director of Islamic Relief UK

Tufail Hussain has 17 years’ experience in the humanitarian and development sector, leading on marketing and fundraising campaigns for several organisations before joining Islamic Relief UK in 2016 as Deputy Director. Tufail was appointed Director of Islamic Relief UK in 2019 and in 2021 provided valuable leadership as interim CEO of Islamic Relief Worldwide.

Tufail is driven by a passion for empowering disadvantaged youth and mentors a number of young people. He also works to strengthen engagement between British Muslims and wider society. Under his leadership, Islamic Relief UK has significantly increased its income and developed successful partnerships with communities across the country. He has travelled around the world to raise awareness of major emergencies such as the Syria, Yemen and Afghanistan crises and the floods in Pakistan and Sudan.

A father to 5 daughters and a son, Tufail is also a sports enthusiast and passionate Liverpool FC supporter. Tufail has run the London Marathon twice, raising over £35,000 for humanitarian causes.

Before joining Islamic Relief he was CEO of Orphans in Need, where he oversaw a new strategy that increased income from £2 million to £9 million in 3 years and opened up new UK and international offices. Tufail is also a trustee of the Muslim Charities Forum and a Director of TIC International (Islamic Relief Worldwide’s clothes recycling and trading arm).
Waseem Ahmad

Chief Executive Officer

Waseem Ahmad joined the Islamic Relief family over 24 years ago, serving as Programme Officer in the Balochistan province of south-western Pakistan before becoming Head of Programmes in Pakistan. Waseem then moved to Oxfam and Tearfund before returning to Islamic Relief to establish our mission in Malawi. Later serving as Head of Programme Funding and Partnerships, Waseem led the response to major crises across the globe, including the East Africa drought, Pakistan earthquake and the Indian Ocean Tsunami.

Waseem then served for nearly 6 years as our Director of International Programmes, during which time the charity secured and retained the coveted Core Humanitarian Standard certification in recognition of the quality of our programming. He was appointed CEO of Islamic Relief in May 2021.

With a special interest in community mobilisation and infrastructure, Waseem received an MSc in Project Planning and Management from the University of Bradford, as well as an MSc in Economics from Arid Agriculture University in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.

Waseem has also worked for Lepra Health in Action and is a member of the International Civil Society Centre’s Board of Trustees. The father-of-3 enjoys walking and playing football, and is a keen birdwatcher.